Hello world of advertising...

We don't know each other very well, but I think we may just fall in love. "We start with the assumption that people hate advertising, but love good ideas"

http://blog.ted.com/2012/10/24/ads-worth-spreading-turns-3-and-releases-a-report/

For All We Know.

It's a week after Valentine's day and I have a lot to write about. J.G. and I have had quite the week. We both had some built-up furstrations, and fundamentally big problems that were being put on the back-burner. It lead to big conflict on monday morning (the first day of my week of midterms).
After our outburst, and while I was trying not to be late for class, I decided that it might be best if we had a few days appart. It was difficult to make this decision. I feared his reaction. The ultimate fear was that he would want to end the relatonship because of my decision to take some time away. In retrospect, that seems silly, but at the time, it was a real possibility in my mind. Part if the reason we had not adressed these issues was that we were both scared of where facing them would take us.

We had both gotten a bit lost, and fear and anger were taking over (ugly!).

I spent a few days at my Stepfather's, and the space really helped clear things up:
I had not given myself enough room in this relationship, and I was so scared of losing him that I was letting the relationship rot at the core. There were things I needed that I had to ask for (and put my foot down), and I also had to admit to myself that I had not been giving this lationship my 100% over the last couple of months.

I have found balancing all the different parts of my adult life quite challenging: appartment maintenance, couple, school, family, and friends.

I guess I just have to keep trying my best. This week as ultimately been good for J.G. and I. We met for supper on Thursday and enjoyed a worry free evening. On friday we had the big talk, and it was good, I think. We spent the rest of the week-end makign each other an priority, and doing exclusively fun activities. We really needed to do that more.

There are a lot of things both of us need to do more. I hope the relationship will work because I love him very much. I saw more than ever this week that he loves me too.

Ironically, as a direct result of all this making-up, I am more ready than ever for the possibility that this relationship might not work. I don't mean this at all in a negative way. I have caught myself acting out of fear, and I don't want to go back. I vow that I will face things, be honnest with myself, MAKE time to think things through, and put my foot down when I need to despite the outcome.

I need to work on feeling more whole by myself. I took a small step in that direction last week, and it made the relationship that mich stronger. So I just have to keep going in that way.

I have to say, despite the circumstances, it was a really pleasant few days at M.D.'s. He was so wonderful. He listened, gave amazing insight, and seemed glad to have me there, which all made me feel so much better. We also drank wine every night and watched the last few episodes of Dexter. Yeah, that was a pretty great week.
I am a very lucky girl.

I also had a chance to read some of mym mother's diaries, and look at some photos. I felt like I was monologuing to her all three days I was there. What a woman! She is and inspiration of authenticity and dedication to a good life. She really inspired me to be string and do it right. I hope she would be proud.

I thought I might put up a photo of the garland I made J.G. for Valentine's day. It obviously didn't work any love magic, but I am still pretty proud of it, and I loved making it.



I also made M.F. a birthday card with some of the same materials.

Creative love.

I have been going a little web crazy lately. There are so many amazing blogs and websites out there by all these wonderfully creative women (have not found a man blog yet, except the Sartorialist). It has been so inspiring and uplifting to see all this beautifull stuff. Most of all, I think, it makes me happy to realise that these are real people being (seemingly) successfull at making creativity an important part of their lives.
I am so curious to know more about their private life: how do they support themselves? Do they have wealthy families? Did they have connections in the creative world growing-up? How does their relationship model work? Do their partners support them financially? Do they love, about them, that they are creative?
I've also noticed that they are all engaged or married (and having children). They all seem so very much in love. They just look so happy.

These dreamy blogs have really been cheering me up, and inspiring me to pursue creative projects.

Jonathan and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch, lately. He is working extra hard, and so have I. We have kind of been a bit more distant, and impatient with each other. I am planning on making it all better during my reading week: I will clean, cook, and make time for us taht is adapted to his heavy schedule.

I've also managed to include an arts and crafts project into my romance recovery plan. I am going to make him a Valentine's day garland.

I am not too sure what it will look like yet, but the idea was inspired by this photo:



And I have started making a few things for it:








I'm really excited to make it. It was so much fun to sew those little frankensteinlike hearts. I want to add special photos of things we want in the future, and memories. I want to make it so he sees I have been thinking about us even though we have both been really busy, and that I still love him very much. I really want to keep the dreams we have alive. I figure this is one very small way to do it.
...I hope he won't just find it cheesy.

Nouvelles Continuités

Je suis folle des nouveaux départs. Ils m'inspirent tellement d'enthousiasme. Je commence avec zèle toutes sortes de choses: des programmes de conditionnement physique, des projets d'écriture, de couture, des livres de recettes, ect.
Je crois que de toutes les formes de commencements, une des plus faciles est surement celle du blogue.
On inscrit une adresse email, on se trouve un petit titre sympa, on se fait des agencements de couleurs, et hop, on est partis pour la gloire.

Le problème c'est qu'en suite, il faut avoir quelque chose à dire.

Fidèle à moi-même, jusqu'ici, j'en ai commencé au moins 5 (et il y en a surement que j'oublie). Chacun devait être le début d'un récit personnel, d'un projet relié à un nouvel intérêt, ect.Bref, vous voyez où j'en viens.

J'aspire tellement à être une de ces blogueuses si cool qui parlent tout simplement de ce qui les intéresse avec tant de brio. Je m'émerveille toujours de la perspective de leur "posts",de leur don de recherchistes web, de la beauté de leurs photos, mais surtout de la contiguïté subtile (et parfois involontaire) de leurs sujets.

C'est vrai, les "take-home messages" de ces entrées de blogs, quoique variant assez pour être intéressants, font tout aussi perceptiblement partie d'un filon, d'une identité. C'est leur authenticité qui fait leur charme.

C'est une authenticité que je ne vois pas chez moi. J'ai certainement une identité et des filons à suivre, quoique je le les voient pas en ce moment. C'est pourquoi au lieu de commencer un énième blogue, je vais essayer de continuer celui-ci, et ce, même si mes entrées ne sont pas tout à fait aussi cool et recherchées que voudrais.

Qui sait où cet effort me mènera. Peut-être que bloguer n'est tout simplement pas fait pour moi. Je tiens, avant de décider formellement, à faire un effort et me laisser la chance et le temps de développer une identité de blogueuse.

Un des obstacle à ce procédé à été l'audience. J'ai toujours été assez concernée par ce que les autres pensent de moi (je l'admet malgré ma honte).Cette année, pourtant, je me sens plus sure de moi. Peut-être que ceci changera les choses.

Peu importe, je compte profiter de cette nouvelle sensation de bien-être tout en n'en tirant des fins créatives.

J'aime aussi l'idée de pouvoir partager trouvailles et observations (et surement anecdotes) avec des amies (enfin, surtout une!).

Patchwork

All I do lately is work. I feel like whatever direction I thought I had is sort of dissipating.
Maybe it's just because I am too ried to think, but I feel like I am not getting at all closer to knowing what I like doing. It seems all the past couple of months have brought me is a more accute awareness that I hate being a salesperon and an assistant.
I am thinking more seriously of going back to school in psychology. I feel like it is stable, and something that I could become good at.
I guess that's most of the problem lately. I don't feel good at anything I do, and very little of it is rewarding.
I am terrible at driving (one failed exam and many weeks of practice later, I am still worried abotu my next exam...)
I think I may be an even worse salesperson (imagine the most awkard person you knwo trying to be a conversationalist and tempting peopel into buying things...it just doesn't work.)
I am also pretty slow at learning sewing...I always screw things-up and end-up taking so much more time than everyone else int he class to complete a project.

I guess the only thing left in my activities that I could be good at is Tel-Écoute, the helpline I am volunteering for...

I keep trying to remind myself that I took a whole year to figure things out precisely because things take time... I have only been at it for two months. I guess I feel defeated mostly because I am scared, and I shouldn't let myself get scared. I should just keep on goin' I should stay optimistic. It would be nice to be rewarded with being able to accomplish some good work. Seeing that I am doing at least SOMETHING well.

Other aspects of my life are doing pretty well though. Jonathan and I are doing very well. I still am so glad to wake-up next to him, and he is glad too.
I also just had the most wonderful birthday party I could have ever asked for! Almost everyone I love was there. Everyone came over to our new home with a little something to eat that they had prepared. Everyone was happy to see each other and the food was delicious.
I also made the coolest cake! It was chocolate on the inside and buttercream frosting (which is actually quite complicated to make). It was decorated with mini vanilla cupcakes layered in a small tower. It was beautiful, and delicious, and I was so proud of myself. Everyone was pretty impressed too!

I am also reading a very good book: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.

It is making me think that I should dedicate more time to writing. I love spending time making-up stories in my head. I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. I should probably put them down on paper. It could also help me communicate what I am thinkign better. I have such a hard tiem structuring my ideas and gettign them accross.

I guess, as usual, there is some bad and some good.

I have mostly Jonathan to thank for the good. He is so good to me. His support and love make me so strong. I have to be very careful to be as good to him as he is too me. I wouldn't want him to get tired and leave.

It's still all a patchwork!

Time on my mind.

I am reading a book called In Praise of Slow. Ironically, I don't really have time to write a propper blog about, so this will be a bit quick.

The book is part of the reason that I am switching from karaté to Yoga. It has also been part of a process of self acceptance for me. I always equated my slowness with lazyness, and with failure. I saw it as something that needed to be watched, curbed. I still feel I need to work more than other people on not being "dans la lune" and not taking too much time to get things done.

However, in certain respects, I feel I could let my slow side take over. It is sometimes wiser to take more time to make a decision. It can make the result or consequence more organic...authentic...better. What I am thinking about it hard for me to express. However, I can saefely say it boils down to being more comfortable in my skin, and as a result, more secure in what I am doing. This is good.


I was re-offered that job in Paris for the OECD, this time, with budjet. This means if I were to get myself to Paris, I would actually be payed. I have to talk through the details with M. (my would-be boss)I am not even sure this would be a possibility since I think what I would be payed would never even cover Paris rent. However, it is for septmeber, which is the time-frame I wanted to find a job for. It feels like I was asking for a job and I got an awesome one neatly delievered on my lap.

Few major problems with this, though:
1-My J.G.: would he be o.k. with me leaving for 6 months?
2-My rent in Montreal.
3-W.T.F. I am so underqualified for this!

Regardless of whether this works-out or not...I am very glad Mario remembered me and found me linguistically competent enough to still want me as an employee over the French applicants, one year later.

We shall see. I am ok with uncertainty, and open to wonderful new opportunities. One really never knows. (see how positive and zen, and not anti-drama I am being?)

Ok, well this will have to be the end of this not-really-a-post.

Will be writing a real decent one soon.

J., I have been thinking fo you every day.

Next.

Well, it has been a rough month, but also a wonderful one. Moving-in was more complicated than expected. Many set-backs and bad surprises had to be overcome. However, these episodes brought J.G. and I even closer, which I am very greatful for. In this period of my life, I feel safe enough to rediscover the pleasure of enjoying difficulties and bouts of sadness. Feeling less alone has allowed be to appreciate tough times. Going through them and overcoming them makes me feel alive. I had not had that since cejep.


Many things are going-on appart from the move.
I have started my sewing lessons and LOVE them. I am making a wonderful skirt. It is very exciting to learn how to make beautiful clothing. So far, I find the technical aspect of sweing interesting too, nto just the result. I am just beginning, of course, but this is still encouraging.

The appartment is also looking purty darn awesome, and both J.G. and I are loving that. I think that it will be the first time in a long time that we feel at home in a place. Not completely, because it isn't ours, but close. It feels great to work with him. We paint, we sand things, we choose things together, and it has all been going marvelously well. We even learned you can re-do the enamel on a bathtub! :D

One bad aspect is that these times are incredibly financially tight. Still, now more than ever I see what a good investment this is. J.G. works so hard and is so understanding. We are doing better than ever. This is really...really...real. I tell him how I feel, I am not afraid of confrontation (ok that's not true-but I confront all the same), and he recongnizes when he is wrong. We can be so open about things, and we disagree a lot...which makes things interesting. He sees things so positively (which is ubber good for me) and is so smart. His support and care have made so many things easier. He also challenges me to be the best I can be for him, out of gratitude. I think that is a pretty solid base. Oh yeah, and the more I get to know him, the more I realise that we have the same "code".

I feel I never have time to write as beautifuly as you: J. and Adl. For now, my entries are just boring updates. I really want to make it a point to find the time to write-out what I think and make it interesting, like you do.

I have been better about not over-worrying (and consequently creating problems) and not thinking too negatively. I find this is the result of not thinking too long-term, and making sure that what I am doing short-term feels right. This also leaves room for the unexpected, which, I am learning to trust, can turn-out to be good (i.e. J.G.).

I could really realate to Adl's entry about letting go. :)


The photo is my future haircut.