Today is a good day.
I just found-out I have a 4.0 average for this semester...that's right, straight As, baby! That feeeeels good!
(This photo is what finding that out felt like!)
I still don't have the results for my Science class, but if they are bad, I will re-do it. That feels a little less good, but it doesn't feel bad.
Tonight, I am cooking-up a storm (vegetable lasagna with goat cheese...mmm) My meals for the week will be taken care of. That feels good too! (Planning AHEAD is magical, something J.G. unknowingly taught me)
I have to see Phil, and that will be a little less fun...I don't know why I let myself makes plans with people I don't have anything to say to...
I guess it feels wrong to cut people off when you were close to them once.
I don't know why I feel that way, but I do.
On Wednesday J.G. will be done his exams, and we can finally have a bit of time alone...hopefully! Knowing that feels pretty good. The doubts about him are still lingering. I can't decide whether this is because my demons are winning the battle or because time is reavealing the superficiality of our connection.
(HOW could I not know? Good question! And yes, and we are planning on moving-in together next year...how stupid and inconsistent of me...I know.)
Half of me wants this really badly, and the other half wonders if the want is creating something that doesn't exist.
How close are two people supposed to be?
He made smart plans for an appartment. He has a good deal on a four and a half downtown and will be able to afford to live there alone. He doesn't want any more roomates and knows I am worried that co-habitation will be disastrous...so he is leaving the option open for me to move in with him by taking the place alone: "That way, you can come and stay over all the time if you want, and it will be up to you."
Would I be a fool not to be in love with this man? Yes, yes indeed I would.
He is so strong, consistent, and inaccessible (the man i a fortress) and I am...inconsistent, uncertain...wimpy.
*Sigh*
Next chapter, I have an appointment with an academic advisor and the career placement center, so finding a job for next year is happening. That feels really really good!
I still have to check-out Lasalle College for Fashion Design and see if I can take some classes part time.
Next semester will be delicious (90% Italian). ...more feeling of goodness.
I also promised myself I would take some time to draw when I am at my father's. That should make the week easier. I still have to find a photo to base a project on.
It is a grey snowy day, but it's beautiful!
I actually even feel good about winter this year...alternate reality? No, I think I am just learning to be happy despite a lot of things (not despite...it's more like an inclusive process...) Along the way, I am finding even some of the "despite" things beautiful.
I'm finding it's a good thing to get better at for a good life.
This blog has been chaotic..sorry. I found the photo and wanted to write, but am at work so had to time to make it make sense.
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