Perspective, I love you.

I have been feeling a little bit discouraged lately. There is all this change going-on and it feels like some things are happening too quickly, and others not quickly enough. In either case, there are moments in which I forget why I am doing what I am doing, and wonder what I want.
Do I really still want to move-in with Jonathan? Plans are being made at stellar speed, and there is no going back (of course there could be...but once lease, three pieces of furniture bought together, and a truck reservation later, it would be complex). When I take a deep breath and stop worrying, I realize that even though what we have is not perfect, it has got all the ingredients of a good recipe. If I were to worry less about whether he is really being good to me, and more on how I could be good to him, I would see more of what he does for me. His love often manifests itself in strange ways, but they are always earnest attempts to take care of me and keep "us" happy and in love. Perspective: he is still the best man I know, and hell yes I want to live with the best man I know. Bring-on the compromise!
On the list of things not happening quickly enough; my plans to explore the world of Fashion are quickly making me realize just how long things can take. All I know is that I like clothing and that I am a visual person. I have no particularly amazing skills and know not the first thing about the fashion world. Lately, I have decided that in a perfect world, I would probably be an illustrator. I am just going with what I think I like, ignoring common sense a little bit (a lot), and hoping for the best (i.e. not ending-up broke-ass on the street). It sometimes feels daunting to think of how much I have to accomplish to become relevant in any way in the Fashion world, and it is also frightening that I know it so little because I am afraid of regret...Again, perspective saves the day. Do I like looking-up fashion blogs more than doing anything else, lately? Yes. Do I fantasize about having a collection of clothing of my own? Yes. Do I constantly think-up outfits, and have been ever since I can remember? Yes. Is there a (slight as it may be) chance of me finding something I like to do in the fashion world that I may become good at? Yes. Well, then, sounds like I ought to stop stressing, doesn’t it? Yes...
Here too, I will have to compromise, but I don’t want to think of that now. For the moment, I am just doing as many fashion related things as possible, and building ideas for my blog, and a portfolio for Fashion school. I start fashion illustration classes at Dawson next thursday (computerized and all, yikes!) I went to the Braderie last week and had so much fun! I will have to miss au coeur de la mode, but will sign-up for volunteer work at the next sensatonmode event, in june. I check the Sartorialist every day, and it never fails to cheer me up!
I also have a a fashion buddy! We are becoming friends, slowly. I will refer to her as Elz for this blog. She was in many Italian classes with me and we just get along. We are not close or anything, but we certainly have a lot to talk about. I am excited to have a new friend to share my interests and discoveries with. She and I even talked about maybe making some clothes together. It was just an idea and it was said quickly, but it is a fun idea. She has the business skills and the knowledge of the Fashion world that I don’t have, but she doesn’t design or sketch...kind of sounds like a team to me. For now, we are just getting to know each other and enjoying hanging-out. We are going to a fashion show tomorrow for the store La gaillarde: http://lagaillarde.blogspot.com/. We are also doing the sewing workshop there together..exciting!!!
So, panicky thoughts put asside, all is well. Or at least, slowly and surely, I am getting somewhere, I think...or maybe I am just living in the moment more, and maybe that is a good thing. Maybe it could be, if I let go a bit more.